


Their Final Goodbye

by 1m_reddie



Category: IT - Stephen King, the lovers club
Genre: Eddie’s death, IT - Freeform, IT alternate ending, Losers club - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 11:56:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13589550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1m_reddie/pseuds/1m_reddie
Summary: Eddie's death re-written with a little more love between Richie and him.





	Their Final Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Richie also sings a song to Eddie and the song is called deep in the meadow from the hunger games series. If you would like to listen to the song look up "Deep in the meadow" and the video was posted by James Bransden, that's the version of the song I used. Enjoy.

Eddie was fading, his friends’ voices were muffled by their weak sobs or hands covering their mouths, his head resting on Richie’s lap.

He looks around him and sees the group of people he hasn’t seen since he was a kid.

“I forgot you” he thought. “…how could I forget?”

the others put a hand on Eddie’s body in an attempt to reassure him. Beverly threw her head down on Eddie’s leg and sobbed, he really was dying. The realization hitting each one of them just as hard, they all felt a sense of longing, pain, and anger. 

He looked at Ben. The poet with tears in his eyes, crying because he never really appreciated Eddie as much as he should have, and he was sorry. “Ben…sweet, sweet Ben.” Eddie thought. The poems he read were sweeter than honey and the boy had a heart of gold he didn’t ever think he’d forget, Ben made him want love so bad it hurt. When he portrayed Beverly in the secret poems he kept hidden, he made love seem not like an emotion but a basic human right. And Eddie couldn’t get enough of it, he got high on the thought of what someone loving him looked like.

“I should have been there for him more…” Ben thought. “I should have been the friend he needed.” He loved this boy with all his heart, Eddie was always the compassionate, sweet friend that everybody wanted and needed. And he felt he had taken that for granted.

 

Eddie looked at the only girl in the group crouched next to him with her hand on his leg. Eddie reminisced about his fondest memories of her. He remembered that she was the first person he told about his sexuality, about how he was confused and scared. She loved him with all her heart, his laugh, his smile, his willingness to do anything for his friends, his…his love. With Eddie you were loved deeply, so deeply you drowned in his warm, beautiful affection. But whenever you drowned in Eddie’s love, you never wanted to come up for air.

“I’ll never love anyone the way I loved him…” He made Beverly feel truly loved. More loved than any other one night stand could or any man who acted like a father figure towards her. Eddie saw all of Beverly and thought she was beautiful because of her flaws. 

 

Standing above her was Bill.” …Big Bill” the childhood nickname being the first thing that came to his mind. His protector, his leader, his companion. The boy he would follow to the ends of the earth. The memory that stood out the most when thinking of their childhood was his crush on Bill. It seemed silly because Bill was nothing and would be nothing but a childhood friend, but the way Bill looked at him, treated him, and talked to him when they were alone sometimes..Eddie never felt like a loser when he was with Bill, not when Bill treated him with such care, made him feel like anything was possible, when you ran with Bill you never ran out of breath. And never running out of breath was great, so fucking great Eddie would tell the world.

“he didn’t do anything wrong.” Bill thought. “he never did, he didn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve such cruel punishment…not Eddie.” 

 

“Richie.” he thought with a smile. When he finally spoke it was an attempt at trying to sound happy.

“I did it for you…” he turned his gaze to Richie before giving a sad smile. “All of you.” A tear rolled down Richie’s eye, the moment being so real it brought out the emotions he never showed anyone. 

“I loved him…now he’s gone.” he thought. “you’ll never get to tell him how he made you feel.” He remembers trying multiple times, each time he thought “beep beep” before shutting his mouth or changing the subject.

Richie shook his head violently, trying to scramble the thoughts that flood his mind away. “No, c’mon Ed’s you’re gonna be fine…” he brought Eddie closer to him in an attempt to rid the space between the two. “you can’t leave me,” his voice sounding hurt, broken almost. “not now…” Eddie gave a sad smile to the man before him finally showing the care he wanted all those years ago.

 

“It’s ok Rich…” he assured. “I’ll wait for you…I’ll always be waiting for you.” Richie’s eyes downcast to Eddie’s wound, blood seeping. The boy he once knew began to shiver while his eyes gave a hopeful beam towards Richie. 

“Promise?” he asked with a sad playful tone in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Eddie nods his head, “Promise.” 

Even facing death itself, Eddie refused to be anything but optimistic. Richie thought that was another reason he often looked up to Eddie when he was younger, even when nothing around them was okay Eddie managed to see the positivity in almost any situation.

“God I love him…” Richie thought, Eddie had always held a certain affection towards Richie and the same with Richie towards Eddie

“I-I’m cold…Richie…” the echo of vulnerability and the longing to be cared for in Eddie’s words practically crushed Richie’s heart into a fine powder. Eddie’s shaky breaths broke him down. Richie wanted nothing more than to ease Eddie’s pain somehow, to make him happy just like he made Richie happy all those years ago. He held him in his arms and they looked into each other’s eyes, Richie knew then just how much Eddie meant to him. All the forgotten years of stealing secret glances from one another, feelings going unsaid out of fear, the smiles, and thoughts not given to each other when needed. 

“I’m here Ed’s don’t worry…” Richie reassured, stroking Eddie’s cheek with his thumb while the boy looked up at him. Eddie gave a broken smile, the pain, and regret showing through each crack. “I’m here…” he whispered.

Eddie started looking around and moving his head frantically, he squirmed in Richie’s hold and managed to feel the reassuring squeeze on his face and chest. 

“I-I can’t s-see! Richie where are you! Where are you guys!” he cried. Eddie’s loss of blood caused him to lose eyesight. Eddie was afraid, he thought his friends had left him alone again after all these years. He saw practically nothing but blurs before the only thing that his brain could process was black with tiny white specs. he felt his friends grip tight, each thought that went through their head being apologetic.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate you.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel the way you made me feel.”

and then, what would have been Eddie’s favorite.

“I’m sorry I was so ashamed to love you.”

 

Tears drained from his eyes, staining his rosy cheeks. he reached his hand up and Richie hurried to guide his dying friend’s hand to his cheek. Eddie calmed and looked above him with no specific fixation. his face was dull, the life draining from his body by the second. 

“Right here, I’m right here, we all are.” Eddie gave a shaky nod while letting the corner of his mouth gently raise. 

“Richie…will you sing to me. Please.” Eddie asked. He knew he never had to ask Richie for anything because he would do anything and everything for this boy if it meant keeping him happy.

Richie nodded yes, forgetting that Eddie couldn’t see him. After not seeing a reaction from Eddie he leaned his head down close to Eddies and gave a small and gentle kiss on his forehead. 

“You still give me butterflies…” he thought unable to make an expression.

Richie knew just the song to sing for the person he held closest to his heart. A long time ago when they were just entering high school, Eddie wrote a “Lullaby” and it was the sweetest, most innocent thing that Eddie has ever done in his eyes. It resembled his soul and that’s why Richie liked it so much. Eddie never told anyone but Richie about that song, Richie never sung it to anyone but Eddie.

Richie gently stroked Eddie’s hair while staring into his absent eyes, singing a broken tune that would always be the sad song that he sang to Eddie. This would be the last time he heard his voice.

“the song I sang to Eddie as he was dying in my arms.” Richie said. Eddie lost his vision but Richie’s voice helped guide Eddie’s eyes towards him, he managed to gain enough strength to raise the corners of his lips.

it was their love song, their “Fuck You!” to the world. 

Their last goodbye…

 

 

"Deep in the meadow"

You don’t deserve this.

"Under the willow"

you’re too kind to die like this.

"A bed of grass"

you deserved a happy full life with kids and a…husband.

"A soft green pillow"

I wanted to be your husband…

"Lay down your head"

We would have had the time of our lives Ed’s

"And close your eyes"

I want a better life for you, Eddie.

"And when they open"

A life where you could be yourself and people gave you all the love you deserved.

"The sun will rise"

You deserve the world

"Here it’s safe"

I wanted to be the one to give it to you.

"Here it’s warm"

I wanted to keep you safe,

"Here the daisies guard"

I wanted to be able to show you that you were worthy enough to be loved.

"You from every harm"

You don’t deserve pain…

"Here your dreams are sweet"

You were too good for this world…

"And tomorrow brings them true"

too good for me

"Here is the place"

I hope wherever you go, we find each other

"Where..."

maybe then I won’t be such a coward to tell you all this

“I love you.” Richie blurted in a non-melodic tone, being sure to state his seriousness.

Eddie was close to slipping away

“You know…I-…” he said softly, fading out of consciousness. his arm went limp but Richie held the boys cooling hand on his face, longing for more time, for more words to say, for more love to be shared between the two.

the life drained from his starry eyes and his cheeks were flushed. Richie pulled him into his chest and held him closer, sobs starting to flood out of his body, tears raining down on Eddie’s cheeks, cries escaping violently from his throat with venom embedded in every syllable, directed towards the thing that did this. 

“HE DIDN’T DESERVE THIS!” he pushed the sentence out with a strong passion but the hurt in his heart filtered the plea as a broken sob.

He buried his head into Eddie’s shoulder. “You didn’t deserve this!” he cried. 

Beverly stood up, a hand covering her mouth before turning to be who embraced her for a hug. Both of them crying with each other, while Bill was left to cry by himself. Rage filled his body, this thing that had been terrorizing him and his friends their whole life had just killed the only angel bill knew existed. 

After the final battle with IT, the four left, carrying Eddie’s body out of the sewer.

“He can’t be left dirty and surrounded by filth…” Richie told the group. “He wouldn’t want that. He needs to be buried, he needs to have a proper funeral and we…all…need to be there.” He stated. If nobody was gonna help him, he was going to carry Eddie out himself. The others agreed and thought of a cover-up story. 

“We found him in the forest…” Ben said. “He had just been attacked by a bear.”

Beverly grimaced at the thought. She felt bad, only they would know the truth about what really happened.

Richie let a tear fall at the thought of seeing Eddie at his funeral. 

“I can’t even cry for him…” he said, “I loved him and I can’t even cry for him!” Nobody knew how much they loved and cared for each other, he would have to cry as Eddie’s friend and not as the man he was in love with.

The others all embraced Richie, they didn’t know about their secret love until Eddie’s death. Beverly had known about Eddie’s preference in partners but she never knew about Richie.

“You can Rich.” Bill assured, “We’ll know…your tears will have a different meaning to us, don’t worry.” Bill’s voice calmed Richie. He knew how he felt, he knew how hard it was dealing with the loss of a secret love.

Bill was empathetic, he longed for another conversation with him, another kiss, another “I love you” even if it was a lie. 

Eddie’s funeral fell on a Thursday, “Eddie’s favorite day of the week.” Richie thought.

He remembered back in high school, Eddie had told Richie that his favorite day wasn’t Friday, Saturday or Sunday. It was Thursday.

“it’s not close to the beginning of the week and it’s close enough to the weekend to give you that excited feeling of ‘I can’t wait!’” Richie smiled in his seat. He sat alone, an empty chair next to him, hopefully, occupied by his angel. 

He wasn’t listening to any other eulogies except Bill’s, he was the only friend chosen to go up and speak.

“As you know, Eddie was…too kind.” He stated blatantly.

“He always made sure everyone around him was happy even if he wasn’t, he loved…not only widely but deeply as well. Making sure each and every one of us had our fair share of attention.” He said with a smile and a reminiscent undertone.

“I only wish we could have done the same for him. I know most of us…didn’t get a proper goodbye, maybe even didn’t say the right last words to him. But, he loved you.” Bill eyed Richie, being sure to single him out before continuing.

“All of you. He was one of the best friends I could have asked for. He was pure of heart, pure of mind, and pure of soul.” he paused looking down with a pain filled expression. “He deserved better,” he singled out Richie again, using his words to make sure he knew that this speech wasn’t for anyone else but him. Nobody knew Eddie like Richie did.

 

“Eddie liked to live by quotes, most quotes being from very depressing movies that he loved” Getting a small laugh from the crowd, Bill continued.

“Eddie didn’t want a million admirers, he just wanted one. I know you try to will yourself to think of a world without him…” he blinked at Richie while tearing up. “And what a worthless world that would be.” Richie smiled at the thought, knowing just how true it was…is.

“You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do get to choose who hurts you.” He looked at his friends and then Eddie’s family, letting a tear fall on his paper before looking back at Richie with a sad smile.

“I think he was pretty happy with his choices, don’t you?” sobs were escaping through his closed lips and Richie leaned his elbows on his knees and his face into his hands. He couldn’t take knowing that Eddie was gone before him. He couldn’t take that he was most likely somewhere alone, and scared. He couldn’t take that Richie couldn’t love Eddie like he wanted to like he needed to.

 

After the funeral mike greeted him with a hug.

“I know how much he meant to you, Richie…” Mike said into his shoulder. Richie didn’t say a word to his friends the rest of the afternoon.

 

It wasn’t until everyone had left that he visited the hazel casket one last time. He put a hand on the glazed wood and his lip began to quiver.

“I don’t wanna live in a world without you Ed’s.”

 

Richie stayed with Mike for another month, visiting Eddie’s grave every day with a pretty little flower he found that reminded him of Eddie, along with a sheet of paper that read “My letter to heaven”. He was in no rush to leave back to California, nothing but an empty, hallow house was waiting for him there.

When he finally did get back, he was greeted with an inbox full of voicemails on his home phone, most of them from his boss, agent, and certain relatives calling to check up on him. He wanted to delete them all as soon as he listened to the 5th one, but something told him he should listen.

when the voice said, “Last new message” he was relieved. 

“Hey, Richie…It’s Eddie.” Richie’s eyes widened, he ran to the machine as fast as possible wanting to pick up the phone to hear Eddie’s voice and have one last conversation with him. But it was only a voicemail, one more painful goodbye.

“So I don’t know if you got a call from Mike already, about…IT. But I’m assuming since you didn’t answer, you left already. I just wanted to call because…well I had this dream last night and woke up with this gut feeling that something bad was gonna happen. I’ve been wanting to say it for a while but just in case something happens and I don’t say it there, I love you, Richie.” Richie’s eyes welled up with tears of loss and joy.

“I’ve loved you since 7th. You’ve meant the world to me since and still do. I still remembered that song I wrote for when I get nervous…but I never remembered why it had a loving feeling to it until Mike called me. I hope you’re doing well, I just…had this feeling that I should tell you as soon as possible. You know I’m kind of glad you didn’t pick up, I probably wouldn’t have told you if you did. Anyways, I hope you have a safe flight, I’ll see you when you get there.”

Richie listened to his voice absolutely mesmerized. having not hearing Eddie’s voice in a month, he wanted to keep his voice tattooed on his mind. He grabbed a tape recorder and played the message over and over again, as many times as it would let him before the tape was full of Eddie saying “I love you, Richie”.

What a funny thought. “I’m freaking out over my little Eddie Spaghetti.” He thought. 

After rewinding the tape for the last time, he listened to how genuine and kind Eddie’s voice sounded. The tone he held that always made Richie melt.

 

“I love you, Richie.” *click, rewind, click* “I love you, Richie.” *click, rewind, click* “I love you, Richie.” *click*

Richie paused and bathed in the sweet bliss that Eddie’s voice brought him.

 

*Rewind, click* “I love you, Richie.” *click*

 

“I love you too, Ed’s,”


End file.
